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When Rejection Becomes Redirection

For almost a month now, I have been carrying a heaviness inside me that I haven’t quite known how to put into words. I got laid off from work. Even writing these words feels strange. For most of my working life, I had never experienced anything like this. I was always the one who decidedContinueContinue reading “When Rejection Becomes Redirection”

Stochastic Neural Processes

Originally written: 30 July 2010 Some people can’t see beauty in complicatedness. I can. When I die, I will leave this thought for mankind to ponder upon: Complexity is beauty made profound. I’m often attracted to the jaggedness of a thing. Maybe it’s my obsession with perfection. If you noticed contradiction in my previous statement,ContinueContinue reading “Stochastic Neural Processes”

Not Everyone Who Smiles at You Is for You

You know what I’ve learned lately? Not everyone who smiles at you, hugs you, checks on you, or tells you they’re happy for you is genuinely for you. It’s a difficult thing to accept, especially when you naturally assume that people mean what they say. We tend to associate warmth with sincerity. A smile feelsContinueContinue reading “Not Everyone Who Smiles at You Is for You”

Bida-Bida

There’s a word I’ve come to think about differently over the years: “bida-bida.” In Filipino culture, bida-bida is often used to describe someone who seems eager to participate, takes initiative, speaks up, volunteers, performs well, or consistently finds ways to contribute. On the surface, it can sound like a harmless observation—just a way of sayingContinueContinue reading “Bida-Bida”

A Walking Oxymoron

Originally written: 15 July 2010 You need not always say things to convey them. Sometimes, implying them is enough to get the message across—unless, of course, the person you’re dealing with is insensitive, oblivious, or simply too slow to catch the drift. I know. I’m too emotional to be considered intellectual. According to WordWeb, beingContinueContinue reading “A Walking Oxymoron”

This One’s for a Woman Named Fermina…

I had always been a daddy’s girl. And when people asked me whose genes I got, I’d automatically and proudly say, “From my dad!” And I would see my mom look away whenever she heard me say that remark. She had never conveyed to me how she felt about it. Although she’d sometimes have thisContinueContinue reading “This One’s for a Woman Named Fermina…”

Breaking Free from 15 Years of Bondage

Last Monday, I learned about the passing of the woman who caused me immense pain 16 years ago—shattering my first marriage and triggering severe postpartum blues that almost led to psychosis. This unexpected and somewhat shocking news resurfaced a flood of old wounds. It sent me straight into the miseries that were never confronted. IContinueContinue reading “Breaking Free from 15 Years of Bondage”

Story of My Dad

Last Saturday, our family attended the second grand reunion of my father’s clan, following the inaugural reunion in 2020. To ensure our father’s legacy was shared, we created a short audio-visual presentation specifically for the younger generation who had not had the chance to meet him. Here’s the short presentation I made. ERRATUM: Tatay diedContinueContinue reading “Story of My Dad”